Rest for the Restless
by SneakerTime
Summary: Hotch has a terrible nightmare and the team watches it happen. Can they help him work through it so he can get some sleep? Or is something else going on? Will tragedy tear the team apart? Read and find out! The story is better than the summary. Whole team involved.
1. Chapter 1

**Take it easy on me, this is my first story.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing about Criminal Minds.**

**Rest for the Restless**

_They started to circle around him. All the people he couldn't save, everyone who had died because of him. But their faces were gone. Blank, only adding to the guilt that he couldn't even remember them. They started to chase him through the halls of the motel. Running as fast as he could, he tried to get away but the moment he turned the corner he saw them. Six people standing before him their faces slowly fading but not before he could recognize them. They were his team, his family. They stood before him, slowly bleeding out of gunshots that littered their bodies. He tried to move to help but he was frozen to the spot. As he finally went to catch his falling friends the others grabbed his shoulders and was forced to watch his family fall to the ground, their faces blank as they screamed for one person to help them. The name they screamed was Aaron Hotchner._

"Come on baby girl you know you want to come to my room with me." Morgan joked with Garcia as he walked down the motel hallway.

"Not tonight my chocolate god of thunder. I am way too tired from this case, I honestly wish you guys hadn't brought me." Garcia replied.

"Praise god, my room is right next to yours Morgan." Rossi replied with a smirk on his face.

The team of BAU profilers continued walking down the hall. It had been one of the rougher cases. They were called to Council Bluffs, Iowa to solve a string of kidnappings. Bringing along Garcia they were able to solve the case within four days and had decided to go out for a celebratory drink. Hotch had insisted on going back to his room, the dark bags under his eyes becoming more pronounced with each passing day. Pointing to the fact that he hadn't slept in weeks. Deciding to let him off the hook, the rest of the team had gone out for drinks and were now walking back to their rooms. As they were about to reach their rooms they heard a blood freezing scream from Hotch's room. Rossi instantly ran past them trying to open Hotch's door.

"Aaron!" Rossi screamed pounding on the door. "Aaron! Break the door down Morgan!" The team bursting into the room to find Hotch having a nightmare, writhing around in his bed, covered in sweat and screaming for help.

Rossi instantly ran to his side grabbing his shoulders trying to shake him awake. "Aaron! Aaron wake up it's only a dream! It's okay you're safe, I'm right here."

Hotch let out one more scream as they grabbed him, waking up to find his team staring at him again. But this time they had faces. Getting away from Rossi's grasp he instantly ran for the bathroom.

He stood in front of the mirror grasping the edges of the sink to try and stop the shaking. After a few minutes he was able to stop shaking and splash cold water on his face to try and stop the sweat falling from his brow. He knew he should go out and face his team, but he couldn't do it. He had shown weakness, letting them see his biggest fears and finding him screaming from something that wasn't even real. Eventually he got control of himself and put his stoic mask back on to try and turn their minds to a different direction.

Morgan stood there stunned to see his boss like that. He had never heard a scream so heartbreaking coming from a man who had nerves of steel and never gave up. The only thought that could go through his head is what had drove his boss so far over the edge that he would wake up screaming. Hearing someone clear their throat he turned to look at the bathroom noticing that Hotch looked the same as usual, except paler.

"I'm sorry," Hotch said starting to apologize. "I didn't mean to startle any of you. It was just a stupid dream go ahead and go back to your rooms. We have a long day of paperwork tomorrow."

"I don't think so Hotch. Something is eating you alive and you better share it before I drag it out of you." Rossi replied staring him right in the eyes.

Hotch only averted his eyes trying to ignore the six pairs staring back at him.

"Hotch man you have to talk to us. You can trust us, just open up for once, this isn't normal." Morgan tried.

"Of course it is! I haven't slept all night in over five months because of this nightmare so don't even start with me!" Hotch yelled sounding exasperated.

"Aaron please." Rossi begged. "Just talk to us, maybe we can help."

"There is nothing you can do! Everything that happens is always my fault! I am the leader! I should be able to stop it, but I can't! I can't save them all! No matter how hard I try." Hotch replied sinking to the floor and sobbing.

For a second no one moved. They wanted to know what was wrong but to see him sitting on the floor, crying and vulnerable, it was just wrong. Finally Rossi went and sat beside him gathering their Unit Chief into his arms.

"Aaron its okay. You can trust us. Just let it out." Rossi whispered.

After a few minutes everyone sat down near Hotch trying to give him silent support before he finally spoke. "It always starts with me just in a hotel hallway. Suddenly all these people surround me. As I look at all of them I just see blank faces. All the people I couldn't save and I can't even remember their faces. I try to get away but they chase me. I start turning corners everywhere running as fast as I can, until I turn the corner and see all of you." He said sobbing, grabbing onto Rossi's shirt with a death grip. Holding on as though his greatest fears might be true and he needs someone to anchor him to reality. "Your faces are starting to fade but I still recognize all of you. I see a puddle of blood on the ground and as I look up, I see gunshot wounds all over your bodies. I try to run and help all of you but I can't move. The others grab onto me and hold me in place as you start to fall to the ground. I try to get to all of you, but they are holding me too tight and you start screaming, asking me to help or why I didn't save you. Every night I am forced to watch all of you die and I can't take it anymore!" He cried letting the tears fall shamefully down his face.

Everyone just looked at him stunned. No one, not even Rossi had expected to hear that. Suddenly he stood up and walked over to the window leaving all of them sitting on the floor. He stared out at the street with blank eyes trying to get a hold of his emotions. Suddenly Hotch spoke up again. "Every day we go anywhere I am afraid that I will lose one of you. That I will fall short somehow and one of you will get hurt or killed because of it. That I might fail one of you somehow, like with Tobias or Cyrus. I already lost Haley, I couldn't stand to lose another one of my family members."

"Hotch you know you can't look at it that way. JJ said suddenly walking over to the window. "You will burn yourself out if you try to be responsible for everything."

"You know she's right Hotch. You need to forgive yourself of this false guilt that you have." Emily replied.

"Aaron. You're not perfect, you can't foresee everything. We have each other's backs, and that's all that matters." Rossi told the younger agent.

But Hotch simply shook his head. No matter how hard they might try to understand they couldn't. Being the leader it always fell back on him. It would always be his fault. Knowing that nothing could help him he just walked out of the room, wandering aimlessly around. Maybe there is no rest for the restless after all.

**What did you think? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2: What Do You Mean?

"Rossi where is Hotch? I thought you said he would be here." Morgan replied impatiently, looking around for their boss who was still MIA. No one had seen him since his breakdown in the hotel room and he was starting to get worried.

"All I said was that I got a text from Hotch saying he would meet us here."

"Garcia, did you track his phone?" Morgan asked.

"I tried but he had already turned it off. Sorry."

Suddenly Hotch walked in. He looked like a disaster. His hair wild, going in all directions. His eyes sunk in, looking lifeless. His suit completely disheveled, untucked and….wrinkly. Not even bothering to make up an excuse, he just sat down at the end of the plane and stared out the window. After the plane had taken off, the team stood up and gathered around their boss. But he didn't even acknowledge their presence.

After what felt like hours, Hotch finally said something. "I'm sorry. About everything that happened last night. And…"

"Aaron don't apologize." Rossi interrupted him. "I'm glad that you talked to us. It means a lot. We can even continue the conversation right now." He suggested, giving a slight smile.

"I don't want to talk about it. Not now, not ever again." Hotch replied firmly.

"Hotch you can't do that. Of all people I should know that keeping everything inside is too painful. The burden is too much, just…"

"No. I mean in it." He said with dangerous look in his eyes. "I don't give a damn about what any of you think or about what you think is best for me. Just drop it."

"No." JJ stated. "You're not going to push us away that easily."

"Watch me." Hotch replied standing from his seat and trying to walk away from all of them.

Before he could leave, Morgan grabbed his arm, looking him right in the eyes. "Hotch it doesn't work that way. Here's how it's gonna work. You're our friend and you're hurting. We will help you, whether you like it or not Hotch."

"No, here's how it's gonna work, Derek." He spat, ripping his arm out of Morgan's grasp. "All of you will leave me alone. End of story. You can weasel, lie and threaten all you want, but you will stay away from me. My resignation will be on Strauss' desk the moment we return. From now on I want you people out of my life, and Jack's to. Period."

"Hotch you can't leave." Reid said stunned. Grabbing onto the armrest as the plan started to descend.

"And why not?!" He yelled. Making the younger agent flinch. "I have every right to do anything I please! And that starts with all of you staying the hell away from me and my son!"

"Boss man… I don't u-understand. W-what are you saying?" Garcia asked trying to hold back tears.

"I'm saying I want all of you to take the deal that I'm offering! Just leave me alone! And my son! I don't want you to work the case with me anymore, understand?! Do you understand me Reid?!"

"I-I…. I understand." Reid replied. Looking like he was ready to cry at the fact that his boss had just screamed at him.

After that Hotch bolted out the plane door, got in his car and peeled out of the parking lot before anyone could even move.

But sense he was already gone, they just sat there stunned. "Something's wrong." Rossi said finally.

"You're damn right something's wrong! Hotch just screamed at us and is resigning!" Morgan yelled as he stood up to pace around the cabin.

"No I mean something else is going on here._" _Rossi replied gravely.


	3. Chapter 3: Something Else at Play

**Bear with me here, I'm pushing a new angle but I have been crazy busy lately. Hope you like it!**

**I do not own Criminal Minds.**

"What are you thinking Rossi?" JJ questioned.

"Something was wrong last night, more than what he was letting on to. And while he was walking out of the room, I could have sworn I heard him say goodbye." Rossi replied, trying to think back to that night and anything he might have missed.

"Did anyone else find his wording strange?" Prentiss suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?" Garcia said while wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"I mean while Hotch was ranting, he yelled at Reid. And Reid hasn't even said a single word to him. Today or yesterday, outside of the case that is." Prentiss reasoned.

"Reid think about what he said. Have you heard anyone of those words specifically before? Maybe it's a coded message, or an anagram." Rossi asked.

"I haven't really thought of it that way. Let me think." Reid said.

"Well think quickly, Hotch was dead serious when he mentioned resigning." JJ said sadly.

"Oh my gosh." Reid said suddenly.

"What? What did you think of?" Morgan asked finally sitting down.

"That's what Foyet wrote on the bus of the people he killed. He said 'You should have made the deal.' And when Hotch said work the case with me, that's what he told Jack when Foyet kidnapped him, before he killed Haley! He wants us to go to his old house! He must be in some kind of trouble!" Reid yelled, already standing and preparing to leave.

"We don't know that for sure." Morgan stated. "He made it pretty clear that he didn't want us around anymore." He said sadly.

"No. If there's one thing Hotch has learned about me, it's that I push until I get what I want. And he knows that I'm curious and wants to know what's going on. Let's move out." Rossi told them.

They pulled in behind Hotch's old house, careful to make sure that no one noticed them or their cars. "Alright, keep your wits about you and make sure we go unnoticed. And I mean nothing can be a hair out of place. Let's head in." Rossi told the team pulling his gun out of the holster. They made it through the house without a problem, making their way slowly upstairs. Finally they reached Hotch's old office.

"Ok, so if Hotch hid something in here, then where would it be?" Prentiss asked.

"Right where he told Jack to hide." Rossi told them, opening the bench where Jack had hidden from Foyet. There, laying inside was a cd that said 'you stubborn asses aka the team.' "Well I guess this is for us." Rossi stated carefully lifting the cd. "Come on, let's put this in."

As they loaded the cd into the DVD player, snow appeared on the screen. "Just snow?" JJ asked.

"No these are numbers." Reid said taking a closer look. "We need to get to Garcia's and have her decode this so we can watch it."


	4. Chapter 4 Goodbye

**Hope you like it! R&R**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

"Baby girl are you done yet?" Morgan asked impatiently.

"Derek, this is a crazy encrypted code that is crazy hard to crack; even for me. It appears that our boss man was better with computers than he let onto. Alright, I think I got it! Let me just put this in." Garcia said as she loaded the disk into her DVD player. As the team gathered around the screen, the picture that showed was Hotch in his old office and he was covered in…. blood.

"I know how bad this looks." The cd Hotch said. "But you have to trust me and stay away. The only way I can protect all of you and Jack is for us to disappear. Before I was a lawyer I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of and now that past is coming back to haunt me in more ways than one. The people who want me dead are in high places and they have already sent an assassin. For the longest time I have stayed off the radar but something happened and I was compromised. I thought that I could handle this myself but then they started to threaten all of you and Jack and I will not stand for that. I thought about asking all of you to help, not let things get so out of hand like with Doyle, but that is no longer an option. I will not have your blood added to my already stained hands. Emily, these people are worse than Doyle. They have more connections, money and power. But they aren't terrorists, they are the people we have elected to run our governments, all over the world. You of all people understand what I'm trying to accomplish by leaving, and I'm asking for the same trust and patience that I gave you while you were gone. I know you want to help and while it is incredibly brave and considerate; it's stupid, idiotic and a death wish. If you try to get involved in any way, they will take away everything that you love. Someone once said that the way to truly destroy a man was to kill the things he loved, not him. I don't think that I have ever heard anything more true. I will not be responsible for any of you losing someone that you love. Don't worry this isn't mine." He said gesturing to the blood that his clothes were soaked in. "Just please, I am literally begging all of you to stay out of this. I can't lose my family. I will not lose my family and make all of you suffer because of my mistakes. Jack and I are going to disappear for a while, but I hope that we can come back soon. All of you are my family and I love you. And I hate to say this, but goodbye." And with that the video ended. Leaving the rest of the team to stare at the now darkening screen.

"What do we do know?" Reid asked finally.

"We find Hotch, bring him home and try to get in front of this." Morgan stated matter-of-factly.

"No." Emily said.

"What do you mean no? Hotch needs our help." Morgan stated adamantly.

"If these guys are worse than Doyle, we don't stand a chance. Hotch asked for patience and trust and that's exactly what we are going to give him." Emily said sadly.

"W-we just can't sit here! Our boss man needs us!" Garcia said crying.

"No. He needs us safe." Rossi said. "If Hotch is going to take care this, he needs to know that we are safe. We are just going to have to wait this out."


	5. Chapter 5 He's Really Gone

**Now stick with me on this one, it's about to get nuts! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

It had been one year, and three months since he had lost his son. Well, he technically wasn't his son, but he had come to love Aaron that way. But it had been a year and three months since he had lift and a year since they found out that he had died. His heart had torn in two once he saw that video. The logical part of him told him that Hotch had done the right thing. That he would do the exact same thing to protect his family, but the other side of him still hated every second of it. After watching that video the team had decided it would be best if they all stayed at Garcia's. The next day when they went into work, they found out that a man had been bludgeoned to death, and that Hotch's DNA was at the scene. And there had been a witness who placed a man who looked like Hotch at the scene. Even though they worked the case at every angle, every angle led back to Hotch being the killer. There was no doubt in Rossi's mind that the blood on Hotch from the video belonged to this man, but there was nothing the team could do to stop him from being convicted. The less people knew that he had ran, the better. So they sat by silently as he was fired from his job, removed of his parental rights and everything that he owned; even though no one knew where Jack was either because he was with Hotch. All of his possessions were sold- Rossi bought all of it and stored it at his house- all of his bank accounts frozen, and he was a wanted criminal. Morgan was promoted to Unit Chief and everything went on as normal as possible. Besides Strauss constantly watching their every move and trying to destroy them. Until they got the call.

Apparently a dark haired man, about six one, matching Hotch's description, had gotten into a fight with three men in an apartment complex. The neighbors heard shouts, fighting and gunshots and called the police, but a fire was started in the apartment. When the fire was finally put out they discovered four bodies in the apartment where the fire had started. But they were all too severely burned to be identified. They tried to identify the bodies by dental records, but three of the four bodies didn't even have any teeth. But the last body did. When the results finally came in, they were a match to Hotch's. At that information Rossi felt the rest of his heart rip into microscopic pieces. It had been hard enough having him leave and still be alive, but now he was truly gone. And they hadn't been there to save him.

The whole team had been shaken to the core by this news. They thought that one day he would just walk right back through the doors of the BAU and take charge, but now he was truly gone. After that the team fell apart, by quitting their jobs and hurting on the inside in so many different ways. Morgan took the job in New York with Reid following him, JJ went back to the Department of Defense, Emily decided to start working for Interpol again, and Rossi once again retired. Leaving only Garcia as a part of the original team.

It would be a year tomorrow that they had lost him for good, and the team decided to meet up at Rossi's just like old times. And as much as Rossi wanted to see his family again, the pain that he felt at losing his son was even greater. He would just need to put on a brave face for tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6: You Did What?

**Here it comes, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

It had been a great dinner. Rossi had been able to keep it together the whole time, just like the rest of the team; minus Garcia, she lost it twice. They were all handling things pretty well, but no one was happy with their new jobs. The thought of coming back to the BAU had definitely crossed everyone's mind, but they knew that they couldn't do it without Hotch. Instead they had decided to stay at Rossi's just for the night, and were out on the porch having a few drinks.

"You know it's strange." JJ said suddenly. "I never realized how much I really depended on him. He just always seemed to be there, but now he's gone."

"I know what you mean." Emily replied sadly. "I think we took him for granted. Out of all the horror and change we saw every day, Hotch was always the same. Never changing, always being our mountain of strength, patience and courage."

"I know where you guys are coming from but honestly, we don't even know that much about him." Morgan stated. "I mean we can profile him, but he's never actually told us anything about him."

"He did that for a reason." Rossi told them.

"What do you mean?" Garcia asked.

"The day after I signed Hotch's acceptance papers into the BAU he had skipped work-which is very unlike Hotch-so I went to his apartment." Rossi told them as Mudgie started barking from somewhere inside the house. "When I asked him what had happened, he simply said that he needed a personal day. After about thirty minutes and five drinks, I finally got him to tell me the real reason as to why he had stayed home. He said, and I quote 'My demons are haunting me more than usual.' After ten more minutes and three more drinks, I asked him to confide in me, and he responded 'Why? This world already has enough demons, why should I add mine to the list?' He didn't talk about himself because all his life, demons have haunted him. Now he never straight out told me, but I could tell that he has had a tragic past. He was just trying to protect us. Just like he always does."

"Did." Reid said quietly.

"What was that Reid?" Morgan asked.

"Rossi said just like he always does, but it should be did. Just like he always did."

The team just sat there in shock for a few minutes. The fact that he was truly gone was still reeling through their minds.

"We didn't save him." Rossi said sadly. "I didn't do enough to save him."

"Well that certainly puts a damper on things doesn't it?" A voice said from behind them.

As the team turned around to look at where the voice had come from, there jaws dropped at the sight before them. There, standing before them, alive, was Aaron Hotchner with his son in his arms.

"Daddy are we there yet?" Jack asked sleepily.

"You bet we are bud, do you want to go to sleep or hug everyone first?" Hotch asked his barely conscious boy.

"Can they just hug me while I sweep?" Jack asked sweetly.

"You bet they can. Come on, let's get you inside so you can get some rest." Hotch said chuckling. "Dave I'm gonna have him sleep in your bed, you guys just come in when you're ready." He said over his shoulder as he walked inside.

The team just sat there stunned, as they realized that their boss and friend was still alive. "I think it's time we got some answers." Rossi said finally standing. He was overjoyed that his 'son' and 'grandson' were still alive, but the fact that he hadn't told him that he was still alive angered him beyond belief. It was definitely time for some answers.

As the team slowly filed back into the house, Hotch was grabbing a few blankets from the cupboards. "I'll be with you guys in just a minute." he said as he walked up the stairs. When he finally came back down, he tried to start explaining. "Look if you guys will just let me-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Rossi's fist had connected with his face. "Sorry, just wanted to make sure that you were really standing in front of me. Wanted to make sure that you are _alive,_ not _dead_." He told him rubbing his now throbbing knuckles.

"Well I have to admit that I expected that from Morgan or Emily but not you Dave. How about all of you go stand outside, I stay inside, lock the door and we talk over the phone. That sounds like a good plan to me." Hotch told them as he walked into the kitchen to grab an ice pack.

"What makes you think you can just waltz back into our lives like this?!" Garcia said furiously.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you guys." Hotch said seriously. "I told you the truth because I trusted you enough to handle it. Don't prove me wrong now."

"Why are you here? What gives you the right to come back now?" Rossi spat.

"I left because I had to, not because I wanted to. And I came back because I had to, not because I wanted to. Jack is exhausted and he needed to get an actual night of sleep. We have been traveling nonstop for five days, I would say that he deserves some rest. Besides this is one of the only places that I feel safe enough to actually let him sleep." Hotch explained.

"You could have just left him. We didn't have to know that you were still alive. Maybe we were better off without you." Morgan said angrily, pain laced through his voice.

"Well excuse me for wanting to be with my family. I never realized how much of a burden I was to everyone." Hotch said back, with just as much pain in his voice.

"Hotch it's not exactly like that…" JJ started.

"No, it is exactly like that. Everyone loves me and remembers my good qualities while I'm 'dead' but now that I'm alive, I'm just a tight ass right?"

"Damn you Aaron!" Rossi yelled angrily. "Do you have any idea what we went through thinking that you were dead? Can you even comprehend the pain that we went through? The pain that I went through?!"

"Don't you dare try to pin this on me! I left you that video so that you would stay out of this, not become more involved."

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked innocently.

"I'm talking about the fact that all of you only stopped in your search for me, because you thought I was dead." Hotch said angrily. "I didn't want you to feel that pain, I didn't want this to happen! I told you not to look for me, I begged you not to look for me, and what did you do?! You tried to tear apart every aspect of my life! The people who are hunting me found out, they were sending those men after you, I had to protect you!"

"Are you talking about the men who were murdered in that apartment? Who had been tortured and then burned alive?" Emily asked angrily. "Are those the man you are talking about?"

"They were murderers, they didn't deserve to live…" Hotch started.

"That is not your call Hotch!" Morgan yelled. "You don't get to choose who lives and who doesn't!"

"So what did you want me to do?! Let them kill your mom, or Spencer's mom? Or Will and Henry? Is that what you wanted?!" Hotch yelled back. "In that world it's kill or let them kill someone you love. I will not let your blood, cover my hands!"

"But you can have someone else's? You can look yourself in the mirror, after you murdered those men ruthlessly." Garcia asked.

"It's not the same, damn it!" Hotch yelled, running his hand through his hair. He was trying to have understanding, but they made it damn hard.

"Daddy, why are you yelling?" Jack asked as he rubbed his eyes and came down the stairs.

"I'm sorry Jack. Just go back to bed, I promise to keep the volume down. Just go get some sleep." Hotch told his son.

"Uncle Derek, Aunt Penny, why are you yelling at daddy? Is it because we had to leave?" Jack asked.

"It's more complicated than that." Rossi told the younger boy.

"How? We left to stay safe, and now everyone can be safe. So why would you be angry?" Jack questioned the team. His big hazel eyes staring at the team as if they held the answers to the world. But in truth, the team was at a blank for answers.

"Jack do you remember what I told you the day we left?" Hotch asked his son as he kneeled on the ground to be eye level with him.

"You said that sometimes people make hard choices to protect the people we love. And they might not know why we did it, but it is still for the best."

"Exactly. Now us leaving was a very hard choice but I did it to protect you, and everyone here. But it wasn't enough, I had to make them think I was hurt, so that they would stay safe. Sometimes things can make sense when you say them, but your feelings will think differently, but it doesn't mean that you stop caring. Do you understand?" Hotch asked his son intently.

"I think so. Is it like when I eat candy? I know it's bad for me, but I eat it anyway cause it tastes really good?"

"That's exactly what it's like." Hotch told him standing and picking him up. "We have to keep moving right now. I know I said we could rest, but we can't stop now, ok?"

"Ok. But can I still sleep cause I'm really tired." Jack said letting out a large yawn.

"Yeah you can. Why don't you go grab your bag from upstairs and then we can leave ok?" Hotch asked as he put his son down.

After watching Jack run up the stairs Hotch turned back to the rest of the team. "Just keep your heads low, alright?"

"Last time I checked, I don't take orders from you." Morgan said coldly.

"Last time I checked, you didn't have men after you who intend on destroying everyone and everything that you love." Hotch said angrily. "Just back off. All of this will be over soon, Lord willing. And after that, all of you can go about your lives. Are you ready to keep going?" Hotch asked his son as he came downstairs.

"Yeah daddy, will you carry me?"

"Oh course I will." Hotch said as he picked up his son. "Let's get going. As for the rest of you, goodbye, again." And with that Hotch was once again out of their lives.

"Hotch, wait!" Reid yelled running out the door Hotch had just walked out of.

When the rest of the team joined him outside, they faced the same scenery they had just been staring at a few minutes ago. With Hotch nowhere in sight and feeling the same feelings of loneliness and emptiness.

"So he was here, and now he's gone." Garcia said, her voice sounding hallow.

"So what?" Rossi asked spitefully. "He left us in the first place, what does it matter if he does it again."

"Rossi, he did it to protect us." Emily said as she was reminded of Doyle.

"Yeah, because you sure let him know that you understood, didn't you. Now did you tell him before, or after you accused him of murdering and torturing people?" Rossi asked sarcastically.

"I…" Emily started.

"Just save it. We all know that we can never forgive him for leaving like that and faking his death. The sooner this is over, the better it is for all of us." Morgan stated.

"Maybe we should have done something different?" JJ asked. "Maybe helped him? I don't know. I just feel so betrayed."

"I think we all do." Garcia said sadly.

"I don't believe you people!" Reid yelled exasperated.

"Reid, what's the problem?" JJ asked.

"The problem is all of you are acting ridiculous! Hotch needed us to trust him and not try to look for him. But apparently all of you couldn't even do that! Now after a year of thinking that a member of our family is dead, we find out he's alive and all we can do is yell at him and accuse him of murder!" Reid yelled.

"Look Reid, you just don't understand…" Morgan tried.

"No I understand perfectly! When Gideon left it felt worse than a whole childhood of growing up without a father. I was in so much pain I was ready to break a year's worth of sobriety to stop feeling. But Hotch was right there while I was breaking, and he has stayed by my side ever since. He didn't abandon me, and he has never abandoned any of you. And now when he comes back home, he left to protect us in the first place, and all you can do is yell at him. If that's how family works, then I want nothing to do with it!" Reid yelled as he stormed off to his car and drove away.

**R&R Hopefully you like it! Maybe the next chapter will be from Hotch's point of view? Let me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7: What if They Were Better Off?

**Here is Hotch's point of view, hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds**

Hotch's POV

It had been five long days. It was hard enough trying to travel across the country without letting assassins find you, but doing it with a four year old was exhausting and practically impossible. He had stolen a car yesterday and luckily it had a full tank of gas so that they could at least rest their feet. He looked at the seat next to him as he heard stirring. His son was having a dream, one that had him smiling. Hotch smiled as he gently brushed his son's hair out of his face. His son was so strong. He had pulled Jack away from everything he had ever known and not once had the boy complained. He had followed him everywhere for over a year now, and while Hotch was disappointed that his son couldn't have a 'normal' childhood, he still did everything he could to provide for him. Luckily he had been stashing money away for years so he had enough for them to live like this for a decade and he was able to be with his son. He would homeschool him, take him to parks, and just enjoy each other's company.

The whole year hadn't been moving around constantly, but the first few months had. Staying anywhere it was safe, even in abandoned warehouses. Unfortunately the temperature liked to drop below freezing at night, and luckily Jack hadn't gotten sick in any way. Then there was the whole incident with the men in the burning apartment. That had uprooted everything he had been working towards, but he had to do it. He was keeping tabs on his own investigation and he found out that his team was still looking for him. As soon as he found out, he started planning his 'death.' The hard part was recreating the teeth so that they matched his own dental records, but he had still managed to pull it off. The only thing that got him through the ordeal was that he was protecting his family. He had even attended his own funeral. It had killed him to watch his family shed tears over him. He wanted more than anything in the world to run towards them and make them stop crying, but it was the only way to protect them. So instead, he stood back and watched through the scope of his gun. Making sure that no one (more assassins) tried to hurt his team and watched his family grieve for him.

After that he moved to Montana, set up a temporary life there. Things had gone well, they were able to fit in almost seamlessly and he had been able to track down more operatives and take them… out of commission. And the end game was coming soon. So he had packed up once again and started moving cross country, the exact position he was in now. They had been walking for a few hours every day and stealing some cars every now and then. It was a pretty crummy life, the only thing getting him through were his son and the thought of seeing his team, his family again.

"Daddy, are we at Uncle Rossi's yet?" Jack asked as he started to wake up.

"Yeah we are, but we are going to have to walk the rest of the way and leave the car here."

"Ok. Will I get to see Aunt Penny, Emily and JJ too?" He asked excitedly.

"Yeah you will bud." Hotch told him as he pulled the car over. "You will get to see everyone again soon." They only had about ten miles of walking, hopefully reaching Rossi's cabin before ten at night. "Well, here's to fitness." Hotch said as he started walking down the hill with Jack sitting in front of him.

"We didn't save him." Rossi said sadly. "I didn't do enough to save him."

"Well that certainly puts a damper on things doesn't it?" Aaron asked happily. He was home, his family was in front of them and they still had their lives ahead of them, and he was home.

As the team turned around to look at where the voice had come from, there jaws dropped at the sight before them. There, standing before them, alive, was Aaron Hotchner with his son in his arms.

"Daddy are we there yet?" Jack asked sleepily.

"You bet we are bud, do you want to go to sleep or hug everyone first?" Hotch asked his barely conscious boy. He could be with his family again. Jack could finally have his life back! He could have his family back!

"Can they just hug me while I sleep?" Jack asked sweetly.

"You bet they can. Come on, let's get you inside so you can get some rest." Hotch said chuckling. "Dave I'm gonna have him sleep in your bed, you guys just come in when you're ready." He said over his shoulder as he walked inside.

"Is it ok if I sleep daddy? I'm really tired." Jack asked as he laid down in Rossi's bed.

"I know you are, and of course you can. I'm going to be downstairs talking to everyone, but as soon as I'm done, I will come up here and sleep in here, ok?"

"Sounds good daddy. Can I have some more blankets?"

"Yep, I will be back in one minute." Hotch said rising from the bed to go downstairs.

As the team slowly filed back into the house, Hotch was grabbing a few blankets from the cupboards. "I'll be with you guys in just a minute." he said as he walked up the stairs. When he finally came back down, he tried to start explaining. "Look if you guys will just let me-"

Before he could even finish his sentence, Rossi's fist had connected with his face. "Sorry, just wanted to make sure that you were really standing in front of me. Wanted to make sure that you are _alive,_ not _dead_." He told him rubbing his now throbbing knuckles.

"Well I have to admit that I expected that from Morgan or Emily but not you Dave. How about all of you go stand outside, I stay inside, lock the door and we talk over the phone. That sounds like a good plan to me." Hotch told them as he walked into the kitchen to grab an ice pack. He tried to cover his hurt with sarcasm, but it didn't really work for him. 'He actually hit me.' Hotch thought to himself. He didn't know what hurt worse his nose, or his chest. The man he looked at like a father had just hit him, just like his real father. He felt himself shut down his emotions and prepared for the worse.

"What makes you think you can just waltz back into our lives like this?!" Garcia said furiously.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you guys." Hotch said seriously. On the outside he was stone cold. But inside he was begging them to forgive him. "I told you the truth because I trusted you enough to handle it. Don't prove me wrong now."

"Why are you here? What gives you the right to come back now?" Rossi spat.

"I left because I had to, not because I wanted to. And I came back because I had to, not because I wanted to. Jack is exhausted and he needed to get an actual night of sleep. We have been traveling nonstop for five days, I would say that he deserves some rest. Besides this is one of the only places that I feel safe enough to actually let him sleep." Hotch explained. If only they understood. Maybe Emily just hadn't gotten through to them yet, she of all people should understand.

"You could have just left him. We didn't have to know that you were still alive. Maybe we were better off without you." Morgan said angrily, pain laced through his voice.

"Well excuse me for wanting to be with my family." His heart practically shattering now. What if they were better off without him? "I never realized how much of a burden I was to everyone." Hotch said back, with just as much pain in his voice.

"Hotch it's not exactly like that…" JJ started.

"No, it is exactly like that. Everyone loves me and remembers my good qualities while I'm 'dead' but now that I'm alive, I'm just a tight ass right?" What if they wanted nothing to do with him? Rossi had already hit him, he couldn't imagine what they were feeling on the inside. Did he even have a life to come back to anymore?

"Damn you Aaron!" Rossi yelled angrily. "Do you have any idea what we went through thinking that you were dead? Can you even comprehend the pain that we went through? The pain that I went through?!"

What about my pain?! He was screaming on the inside. But he knew that bringing up his struggles wouldn't help his situation. "Don't you dare try to pin this on me! I left you that video so that you would stay out of this, not become more involved." Memories of the funeral flashed before him. The tears they had shed for him, unnecessary tears.

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked innocently.

"I'm talking about the fact that all of you only stopped in your search for me, because you thought I was dead." Hotch said angrily. "I didn't want you to feel that pain, I didn't want this to happen! I told you not to look for me, I begged you not to look for me, and what did you do?! You tried to tear apart every aspect of my life! The people who are hunting me found out, they were sending those men after you, I had to protect you!" He had to protect them. When he had gotten wind of what his hunters were preparing to do, he was prepared to do anything to stop them from hurting his family. Anything.

"Are you talking about the men who were murdered in that apartment? Who had been tortured and then burned alive?" Emily asked angrily. "Are those the man you are talking about?"

Looks like they didn't understand because she didn't try to talk to them. "They were murderers, they didn't deserve to live…" Hotch started, knowing that he would do it all over again and make it more painful on those monsters if he had the chance.

"That is not your call Hotch!" Morgan yelled. "You don't get to choose who lives and who doesn't!"

"So what did you want me to do?! Let them kill your mom, or Spencer's mom? Or Will and Henry? Is that what you wanted?!" Hotch yelled back. "In that world it's kill or let them kill someone you love. I will not let your blood, cover my hands!"

"But you can have someone else's? You can look yourself in the mirror, after you murdered those men ruthlessly?" Garcia asked.

"It's not the same, damn it!" Hotch yelled, running his hand through his hair. It wasn't the same, he had seen their handiwork. They had gotten off pain-free compared to what they had done to other, innocent people.

"Daddy, why are you yelling?" Jack asked as he rubbed his eyes and came down the stairs.

"I'm sorry Jack. Just go back to bed, I promise to keep the volume down. Just go get some sleep." Hotch told his son. The last thing he wanted to do was drag his son into this argument.

"Uncle Derek, Aunt Penny, why are you yelling at daddy? Is it because we had to leave?" Jack asked.

"It's more complicated than that." Rossi told the younger boy.

"How? We left to stay safe, and now everyone can be safe. So why would you be angry?" Jack questioned the team.

"Jack do you remember what I told you the day we left?" Hotch asked his son as he kneeled on the ground to be eye level with him. He prayed that Jack would understand what was going on and one day forgive him for all of this.

"You said that sometimes people make hard choices to protect the people we love. And they might not know why we did it, but it is still for the best."

"Exactly." Hotch said letting out a sigh of relief. "Now us leaving was a very hard choice but I did it to protect you, and everyone here. But it wasn't enough, I had to make them think I was hurt, so that they would stay safe. Sometimes things can make sense when you say them, but your feelings will think differently, but it doesn't mean that you stop caring. Do you understand?" Hotch asked his son intently. Please understand what I'm saying, Hotch begged on the inside.

"I think so. Is it like when I eat candy? I know it's bad for me, but I eat it anyway cause it tastes really good?"

"That's exactly what it's like." Hotch told him standing and picking him up, breathing in relief. "We have to keep moving right now. I know I said we could rest, but we can't stop now, ok?"

"Ok. But can I still sleep cause I'm still really tired." Jack said letting out a large yawn.

"Yeah you can. Why don't you go grab your bag from upstairs and then we can leave ok?" Hotch asked as he put his son down.

After watching Jack run up the stairs Hotch turned back to the rest of the team. "Just keep your heads low, alright?" Maybe once, just this once they might actually listen to him.

"Last time I checked, I don't take orders from you." Morgan said coldly.

Or not listening works too. "Last time I checked, you didn't have men after you who intend on destroying everyone and everything that you love." Hotch said angrily. "Just back off. All of this will be over soon, Lord willing. And after that, all of you can go about your lives. Are you ready to keep going?" Hotch asked his son as he came downstairs.

"Yeah daddy, will you carry me?"

"Oh course I will." Hotch said as he picked up his son. "Let's get going. As for the rest of you, goodbye, again." And with that Hotch was once again out of their lives. Once outside he ran off the porch and up the hill, heading in the opposite direction of the cabin. Soon all of this would be over and his son would have his life back. He didn't know what he would do with his life, but his son would have his back. And that was all that mattered.

**R&R**


	8. Chapter 8: Goodbye Again

**It's sad, but I'm not really good at happy stories :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Reid started driving around aimlessly. He had no idea where Hotch would go, but he knew that he had to find him. He had to let him know that he understood and would stand by him. While driving, his mind went through every possibility of where Hotch could be going now. After checking seventeen locations, he was ready to take a break. It was as simple as the old saying, 'the mind is willing but the flesh is weak,' and boy was he weak. He hadn't been sleeping right for a few weeks now because of today, and how the day used to mean losing a friend. And while he wanted to continue his search more than anything, he could barely think straight, let alone drive a car and think at the same time. So, he decided to call it a night and drove back home to his apartment.

As soon as he opened the door, he could tell he wasn't alone. He instantly went on alert and pulled his gun, fearing that it was someone who might want to hurt him, the people who Hotch was talking about. "It's alright." A familiar voice said from inside his apartment. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I just needed to talk with you." As Reid turned the lights on, he saw Hotch sitting on his couch with Jack sleeping on his lap. "He tried to stay up for you," Hotch said faintly smiling as he rubbed his hand gently up and down his son's back soothingly. "But he was too exhausted."

"He's been through a lot recently, hasn't he?" Reid asked.

"More than most adults have gone through in their entire lives." Hotch said sadly. "But he is spectacular, never once did he complain. I wouldn't have been able to make it through anything, if he hadn't been by my side." Hotch said with a slight smile.

"You want to put him to sleep in my room? Something tells me that we need to talk."

"Yeah, that would be great. Thank you." And with that he was carefully lifting his son off the couch and carrying him to Reid's bedroom.

Once he came back into the living room Hotch could see the confusion on the young genius's face. If only his life was simple, wouldn't that be nice.

"I don't even know where to begin." Hotch said as he unceremoniously plopped down on the couch.

"How about why you came here?" Reid finally suggested.

"You know, Jack and this team are my whole world, and I would do _anything _to protect all of you. As to why I came here, I need to ask a favor. I know that I have no right to ask, but I have to. Can you watch Jack for me?"

"H-Hotch, what do you mean? Like for a few hours or days… yeah ok, I guess so. I just don't have much experience with kids…" Reid stammered.

"Not exactly. Before Haley died, she had me promise her that I would teach Jack how to love. That I would show him beauty in this twisted world. I fully intend to keep that promise, but I might not be able to anymore. All of this is coming to an end and I don't know…"

"No Hotch, nothing is going to happen to you. You can't start talking like that." Reid interrupted him as he stood and started pacing.

"Spencer, look me in the eyes." Hotch asked him as he stood in the way of his pacing. When Reid finally met Hotch's eyes he saw compassion and trust. "I plan on ending this nightmare within a few days, but I don't know how it will end. I want to make sure that my son, and my family, is in good hands. Spencer, I trust you more than anyone in this world. You mean more to me and this team then you will ever be able to comprehend. I want to make sure that Jack will be safe through all of this. I want you to take care of Jack, and this team for me. Can you promise me that?"

"Of course I will." Reid said without hesitation. "But I want you to promise me something in return."

"Sure Reid." Hotch said trying, and failing to smile.

"Will you promise me that you will come home?" Reid asked as his eyes started to water.

"I promise that I will do everything in my power to come back." Hotch told him solemnly. But before Reid could say anything else, Hotch silently walked inside Reid's bedroom.

Hotch just stood in the doorway, watching his son sleep. He had a faint smile on his face and he looked so peaceful. If only his son felt like that all the time, only having to worry about what he was having for his next meal not about assassins hunting him down. First he took his mother away, now he had taken his life away. And it killed Hotch to know that he had destroyed his son's life. He just hoped that if anything did happen to him, that his son would keep living and be happy. And as much as it killed him to do this, he had to say goodbye to his son. He had to protect him. So he knelt down by Jack's side and gently woke him up.

"Is it morning already daddy?" Jack asked sleepily.

"No buddy, it's not quite morning yet." Hotch said chuckling.

"Then why did you wake me up, do we have to leave again?" Jack asked sadly.

"No, you don't have to leave, this time it's just me." Hotch replied, his eyes starting to water.

"What do you mean daddy?"

"Jack, do you know how much I love you?" Hotch asked instead of answering the question, as he sat on the bed next to his son.

"To the moon and back?" Jack asked as he stared up at his father with big hazel eyes.

"Even more than that. Now don't you ever forget how much I love you, _ever._" Hotch said hugging his son tightly.

"I won't daddy, I promise. And you never break a promise."

"That's exactly right. You may not understand now, but I am doing this for you. I love you Jack."

"I love you to daddy." Jack said as he laid back down.

"Goodbye son." Hotch whispered as he tucked Jack in and kissed his forehead, letting one tear slide down his cheek.

"Daddy where are you going?" Jack asked as Hotch was walking towards the doorway. "You always sleep with me."

"I have to leave right now Jack."

"You never left before. When will you come back?

"I don't know yet Jack. But I need you to stay here while I'm gone…"

"NO, you can't leave!" Jack cried as he ran forward and clung to Hotch's legs.

"Jack…"

"Don't leave me daddy, _please._" Jack begged as started to cry.

"I have to. You need to stay here with Uncle Spencer, ok?"

"No, I wanna stay with you." Jack said as he buried his face into Hotch's leg.

"Come here." Hotch said as he picked Jack up and held him tightly in his arms.

Reid looked up when he heard crying and saw Jack clinging to Hotch as if he were a life line. They both had tears running down their faces, looking like scars that destroyed their faces. Hotch looked as if he had just aged ten years since the last time Reid had seen him. And at that moment, Reid noticed Hotch limp, ever so slightly. Up until this point, it had never occurred to Reid what type of injuries the man may have sustained over the past year. What had really happened to him?

"Jack, I need you to stay with Uncle Spencer ok?" Hotch asked, even though it sounded more like begging.

"Daddy don't leave me." Jack said again.

"Jack, I love you more than anything in this world and Uncle Spencer is going to take care of you. You need to stay with him."

"Will you come back?" Jack asked quietly.

"I will do everything I can, to make sure that you are safe and that I come home to be with you. But you are and always will be my first priority, which is why you need to stay here so you can be safe. I love you Jack."

"I love you to daddy."

Hotch walked over and tried to hand Jack to Reid, but he only seemed to hold on tighter. "Jack let go." Hotch asked quietly, his voice breaking with emotion.

"No." The little boy said adamantly. "If I let go, you will leave. Just like mommy did."

At those words Hotch couldn't stop the choked sob that escaped his mouth. Finally prying his son's hands off of him, he handed Jack over to Reid. "Goodbye Jack, I love you so much." And with that, Hotch was gone. Disappearing faster than the wind.

** What did you think? R&R**


	9. Chapter 9: He Needs Us

**This is a short chapter, but I'm kind of in a rut. **

**I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH! To everyone who has been reading and reviewing my stories. I literally wasn't going to write anything past chapter 1, but know I love it! Once again THANK YOU SO MUCH!**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Criminal Minds :)**

"Why isn't he picking up?" Garcia asked, panic starting to creep into her voice.

"You know Reid, he's not very tec oriented. He probably just turned his phone off, he was pretty upset with us." JJ said dejectedly.

"Yeah, well he had no right to be." Morgan said adamantly.

"Morgan…" Emily started.

"No, Prentiss. Just don't. Hotch could have taken care of all of this a million different ways. He could have come to us, not faked his death, and not run away. He made his bed, let him lie in it." Morgan said angrily. The rest of the car ride to Reid's apartment was spent in silence.

JJ knocked on his door, but she got no response. "Reid, open the door please. We know you're in there." JJ tried.

Silence.

"Ok kid, you're officially starting to freak us out. Either you open the door or we break it down." Morgan said to the door.

"It's open." Came a quiet voice inside.

For the second time today the team's jaws dropped when they walked into Reid's apartment. Reid was sitting on his couch with Jack curled up on his lap.

Rossi was the first person to speak, well move at all actually. "Hey Jack, what are you up to?" he asked trying to sound upbeat. But instead of responding, Jack curled up in an even tighter ball and tightened his grip on Reid.

Completely ignoring the rest of the team, Reid slowly stood up and carried Jack back to his bedroom. The last thing Jack needed right now was to be questioned by a gang of upset profilers. Carefully tucking Jack in, Reid stayed in the room until Jack was asleep, which thankfully didn't take long. As he got up to leave, Reid was disappointed to notice that even in sleep, Jack's face was twisted with emotion. Usually the human face would become more peaceful once asleep, but not Jack's. Walking out of the room, Reid finally understood what Hotch was talking about when he said that Jack had been through a lot. Sure everyone goes through hard times, but Jack has lost everything he ever cared about. First his mom, then his entire life, and now his dad. If Hotch didn't come back, the probability of Jack ever smiling again was very low. Before walking back into the living room, he took a steadying breath and prepared himself for the questioning of a lifetime.

"Reid what the hell is going on?!" Morgan demanded, clearly having come out of his state of shock.

"I'll tell you what's going on!" Reid yelled back with barely contained fury. (Yeah that's right, he has fury!) "Aaron Hotchner is the most selfless man I know. He has given up everything just to protect the people he cares about, even if they aren't grateful. Now that little boy, is about to lose his father because he is trying to protect us. He came home, to us, his friends his family, the people who should have his back. But instead you yelled at him and turned him away! If something happens to Hotch because we weren't there to help him I will never forgive myself, or any of you." Usually he would never go off on anyone like this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Spence…" JJ tried.

"Don't you 'Spence' me." Reid spat. "You didn't see Jack and Hotch cry. You didn't see the way Jack clung to his dad, begging Hotch not to leave him. How when Hotch asked Jack to let go, he said no, because he didn't want Hotch to leave just like his mom did." Reid said with tears falling down his face.

"Oh my gosh." Garcia sobbed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Seeing Hotch cry is one of the worst things I have ever experienced, and I will not see it again. I promised I would take care of Jack until Hotch comes back, and it would mean a lot to Jack if you were there for him. He needs all the family he can get." Reid ended quietly. "Even though we're the only family he has."


End file.
